Me and My Tractor

Nut Date…………………………………………………………October 23, 2011

So, every country girl needs a tractor ………right??

OK, first off, before we go any further, MY tractor, well, it’s a lawn tractor, with a mowing deck, …. .’nuff said.

But, it’s shiny black, gets me where I need to go, and keeps me from having to hike the "hill from hell", aka … the buns of steel work-out, booty boot camp, holy heart attack, the stairs didn’t friggin help, etc.

My Tractor comes with nifty rabbit and turtle settings, has a "safety" butt weight shut-off feature ( that thankfully someone found a way around )

And best yet, it has a handy trailer attachment to carry everything I need.

It gets me where I want to go, unless of course, there’s a lump in the way that hooks up the mower deck, or a slight, non - gravel incline, that turns it into a spin factory, or God forbid, I need to back it up with the trailer attached.

Now backing up this trailer is beyond ridiculous. With such a short length, it doesn’t matter which way you turn, it goes left, unless of course you want it to go left, then it goes right, but most times, it just fully jack-knifes and it’s back side ends up right beside your knee cap. Which, at this point it’s not an issue, unless of course, you happen to be next to a tree. Better still, next to a tree on a hill.

At this point there are 2 choices.

1. play the "I need Help" card….or
2. I deal with it.

Either way………I’m screwed.

1. I get to watch someone do a 757 point turn and effortlessly get out of this situation with a trailer that now magically turns right on command.
2. I get to lay in the dirt and unhitch the trailer.

Now for all you men out there reading this thinking " why doesn’t she just lift the back end of the trailer and move it……………well, for the purposes of this example of said stupid trailer, we are assuming that I have already filled it beyond my lifting capacity, otherwise, I would for sure pick the damn thing up and throw it to wherever I thought it belonged at that given point in time.

So ya’ll are thinkin’ ………..go for #2, … right.!!??!!

Now let me explain to you this trailer hitch.

This is not the regular "put the cup on the ball, hope it’s the right size, if it isn’t, it’s interchangeable, no big deal, flip the lock, put in the pin, add 2 safety chains and away ya go" kinda hitch.

Ohhhhh Nooooo ,

This is the "who in their right friggin’ mind came up with this" kinda hitch.

First you have, somewhere, just inches south of the back axle, a piece of metal with a hole in it. The hole is, oh, just guessing, about ½ inch diameter. Unless you lay down in the dirt, gravel, manure or whatever the situation you’ve gotten yourself into, you cannot see this prize piece of metal because of a series of weights on the back of the trailer. Now I have never asked what these weights are for, I’m just assuming that they are necessary, because they are not at all attractive and seriously in the way of viewing the sought after hole. If I ever find out that they are just decorative, then somebody, maybe even me, needs to be smacked.

So, now that you can’t see the hole you’re aiming for on the tractor, you have the hitch on the trailer……….a U shaped metal thing, with the matching ½ inch holes, about 2 ½ inches apart.

And you have a pin, just a hair shy of ½’ diameter, with a tiny hole in the end of it.

The idea is to thread the pin through the three holes, from the bottom up and secure it with yet another smaller pin.

Now, apparently, this HAS to be done from the bottom up. Regardless of the fact that gravity being what it is, and that vision doesn’t even come into play here, and that the top of the U shape will naturally rest on the metal piece of the trailer end, and you could use your finger to line those 2 holes and drop the pin down, and chances are, it will find the third hole, thus leaving one hand free, maybe even 2,.. ( go stretch, pick the manure out of your ear, whatever.)

But no, this has to be done from the bottom up. So when you do get venus to align with mars, and get the big pin through all 3 holes, you now need one hand to hold it there. Now if you didn’t already have manure in your ear, you will now, because the only way to see that little wee hole in the end of the pin that is now way up there somewhere between the back axle and those pretty weights, is to put your head down there between those wheels.

And why can we not go from the top down???

Because, the last piece of this puzzle, the man size squiggly version of a bastardized safety pin that now has to go through that last little hole is

…."Too difficult to remove from the bottom".!!!

So now who’s with me on picking option #1???

………Thought so.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about my tractor, that’s my choice, because the alternative is the 4 wheeler that tried to kill me.
　

time to go home....................just this tiny little hill to get up

me trying to back this thing up, you can see where I'm headed and just how well I'm doing with that......and it's now getting dark.

Done!!!....well, OK, maybe that's not exactly what I said when I decided to use this approach, but, hey, they don't put doors in both ends of these things for nothing you know.

As for the ducks..........

Nut Date…… Oct 18,2011

As for the ducks.....................well Holy Sh*t !!

.........pardon the language, but that’s all we are getting from them.

I guess that was part of the original plan, $3.00 duck, bug control and free manure, so far they are holding up their end of the manure part NO PROBLEM... as for the bug control, well they have just now found the field that holds the bugs that are eating hundreds of dollars worth of fruit trees, good timing, the bugs are sleeping for the winter, it’s Canada........... and all summer, rather than eating the slugs that attack my $13.00 Hostas, they ate the Hostas……..bug problem there solved, in their minds anyways.

So they stopped sleeping in the $1000.00 Quacker Box we built for them months ago, preferring the pond, spending the night floating about with their head tucked under one wing, looking really cute, but apparently filling it up with manure ALL NIGHT LONG. I’ve heard they have no sphincter at the south end, and I now don’t doubt that at all.

The reality is, that despite our best efforts at creating a nice calming eco – friendly, self sustaining pond, we now have to run hydro to pump it out. $$$$

So let’s just tally this up,

nine $3.00 ducks… $27.00,
bag of feed, $16.00 / month
Quacker Box with heat and lighting ( hydro ) $1000.00 +++
Pond pump, $30.00 ( I think, probably way more )
Pipes to access fresh spring water……….$ ??? another $30, let’s just say
Rental on mini excavator to dig hole for fresh spring water ( that was stuck in the mud for most of the rental, but did in the end dig the hole ) ..$50.00
Pond liner, sand, gravel, rocks, plants……salvaged, reclaimed or recycled from other jobs.

The whole system of sand filters, spring water and plant filtration, all for a duck pond, working wonderfully, till you make the fatal mistake of adding ducks………… freakin’ PRICELESS !!!


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Don't they all just look sooooo happy !!!
merrily pooping away

I’ve since learnt that this issue is called "Duckponics"

Whodathunkit??

Duckponics is actually a word. ??!! Well, probably not according to Webster’s ( yet ), but to anyone who owns a duck…………..it’s not just a word, it’s a reality that needs to be dealt with,
and to my relief, I’m not alone.

There is some comfort in numbers I guess.

Damn Hawk

Nut Date..........October 14, 2011

So I guess the plan was to write in here every day..............seems I didn't do that.

The reality is that I was busy taking pictures of these little goofs, and also that we had a rude awakening to the realities of life, which kind of put me off for a bit.

We learnt the hard way that just because little chickens love being outside, and we were anxious to start the whole "free range" thing, brutal truth of the matter,.......little chickens shouldn't be outside. Our two blonde chicks got taken by a hawk, vulture, whatever. We didn't see it happen but Rob heard it. Something got them from above, two at the same time. We found one, wet, so we did suspect our Little Miss Wannabe Mother, but then we figured out that there was no way she could catch 2 at the same time, and that she probably found the one before we did and was licking her. Good try on her part but it didn't help, the blonde ckicks were gone.

Consequently, all the other birds have, ever since, decided to not come out in the open too much..................unless of course there's a ripe tomatoe in my ( NOT YET FENCED ) garden, then they don't seem to care, and waddle off for lunch they go, to hell with the threat from above.

Which brings me to the real reality of the whole "let's get some ducks" idea..............

What were we thinking, how wrong could the internet info be...............
Lots wrong, that's how much.

Camera instead of keyboard

Apparently I took some time off from the keyboard and picked up the camera to keep track of these little guys...............here's a small photo log of their growth.

And as crazy as it seems to want to take pictures of your chickens.............. I'm not alone with that, and here's someone that is way better at it than me........I just can't get them to stay still long enough and fight off the dogs for attention to do any better than this.





see, we can all get along



stop wiggling...........



get down funky town



it's a big world out there when you're  this small



oh look............a bath!!



see now, if BatGirl would just stop lickin her lips like that, we'd let her go in



more dog patrol



you're still wigglin'



food, food,.....food............food, food



dog patrol on the newer bigger better bath



oh it really is a big world.............we'll have to mow this down!!!



Hosta.....I smell Hosta!!! food, food ......food........



sometimes being a teenager is not the best lookin time in your life



food, food......oh crap, we already ate all those hostas



Little Lucy.............tough decision, food or socialize



Citronella



and the boys are finally showing their colors



Day 3

Nut Date..............July 8, 2011

2 dogs, a cat, somewhere around 40 fish................and only one dog even just remotely cares about these birds. Which I guess is a good thing and she is still showing signs of just wanting to mother them...................but they are so small, and she is so big, so the wait is on.

Everything we have read on the internet, seems to be either labour intensive or not really what the birds want. They seem to do just fine, and totally enjoy being on plain straw. And we're thinking the poop might just fall through and then off to the composter. Chicks like duck starter feed way more than chick starter. Chicks and ducks seem to get along just fine, the chicks are actually more animated when they are with the ducks and they all cuddle up together for a sleep.
The temperature control thing has been an issue for us as we have had 10* swings in a day, depending on outside temp, garage door open or closed etc. ..................and yet they all seem healthy and happy. I'm feeling that they are much tougher than the literature reads. Tomorrow they move to the Chicken Hilton, on plain straw, and all together, but I am planning on segregating the chicks for a good part of the day with the medicated feed that we got talked into and don't really understand the need for.............and if they don't start eating it, it's for sale on Kijiji. Oh, and they all love cooked rice with yogurt, broccoli and chopped Romaine....................a mix of leftovers that I did for the dogs. Actually they like it more than the dogs, because it was strawberry yogurt. Of course Ol Fart will eat anything, but little Miss Mom aka Bat Girl, 100% mutt raised on pure meat...................well, she's being fussy about this mix........so at least the birds like it.

Day 2

Nut Date...................July 7,2011

The ducks had their first swim today, it was hilarious. Somewhere on the internet I found a site that said that paint trays work well for ducklings to start swimming. Mine graduated from the paint tray ( which I bought just for this ) in about 20 seconds. Oh, and we have an extra, not sure how we missed it till today, but we have 9 ducks....................so this one will be Citronella.
In the last 24 hours I have learned............
Ducks poop ALOT
Ducks drink ALOT ( 7 litres today................chickens, 250ml )
Ducks are hyperactive.
Ducks are shy, more so that chicks
Duck doo is VERY wet...............3 room service calls for bedding changes for them alone today.....................chickens, one since they got here.
You still can’t tell them apart.
Little Miss Mom has spent another 2 hours guarding dirty sheets and is now missing, so is the cat, who still needs to meet the new residents.

The package has arrived

Nut Date...............July . 6, 2011


The package has arrived. They are so cute, and I know full well that they won't stay that way. I've gotten them home and settled as much as possible after a full day in a 12" square box on a truck.

We have 13 birds in all, 5 chicks and 8 ducklings

the ducks are here for bug control and fertilizer, and there is, at this point, absolutely no way on earth to tell them apart.............
I know your thinking Huey, Dewey and Louis etc. but NO. It's

Raid
Off
Vapona
Muskol
Deet
Repel
Slugger
and
Guano

for the chicks we have 2 brunettes, 2 blondes and a redhead

so they are
Lucy as the redhead
Elvira and Joan ( as in Jett ) for the brunettes
and just to complete Bobs' fantasy of twin blonde chicks
Mitzi and Bambi as the blondes.

　

so 6 hours into it, I have learned.................
　

- ducks poop waaaaaay more than chickens.

- duck water dishes need water dishes under them, and then something to absorb the water............it’s a splash factory.

- they are friggin cute...........poopin like crazy, already chasing bugs and passed out for the night.

So 7 hours into it I have learnt

• they are not passed out for the night

The dog that is peeing, may actually be going through a " I need to be a mother " thing............she just spent 2 hours guarding a dirty sheet that I had out to dry.................but at least she's not peeing in the house anymore.......well for today anyways.

Tomorrow, I think the ducks need to have their first swim, I need to find out what little miss Mom is really thinking, new babies, or dinner. And then we need to introduce the cat to the whole scenario.

More Duckumentary

Nut Date ..............June 27, 2011

3 more trips to the lumber yard, and another one looming for tomorrow, so we have now decided that the "free eggs " might be free in the year 2020.

Other than that, construction continues to be perfectly crooked, somewhat planned that way way to accomodate drainage for when we have to do full clean outs. It's looking good and I'm getting excited.




The Chicken Hilton aka The Quacker Box in it's infancy
for the totally well crafted inspiration for this
click here 

this is a good picture of the "pond" in it's original state

the pond that sounded like such a good idea when we started,
only to find out that it was just the begining of the whole
Duckponics saga.

Duckumentary, part 2

Nut Date..................June 25, 2011


First trip, of many I'm sure, and we have just established that the
"free" eggs and manure, will be free in about 4 years, if we're lucky.........................the materials for the coop has cost us an additional $600.00, above the leftover lumber from the deck.

Bob the Builder started on the project and while the beginings look good from far, they are far from good, but it's a chicken coop right. Chickens and ducks will not know just how "perfectly" unsquare the building is. Or maybe we will just end up with "perfectly" lopsided eggs....................I don't care as long as there is something inside them.

Not that it's all Rob's fault, the area we have chosen to do this in is less than ideal for building straight structures, but it is totally ideal for chickens and ducks. It's on the part of the property that probably has the highest bug population that we are trying to fix. It has a steady supply of running spring water that we are hoping to harness and feed straight through the coop so that there is always fresh water available. This will probably not work for the winter, but cuts down on chores for the better part of the year. It has hydro already there, and the hose reaches there, but best of all, it has the beginnings of a really cool duck pond. The coop is being built on stilts so that the birds are not going to get damp from underneath, and this will also prevent unwanted nighttime visitors from digging through from the bottom. With luck, when the springs are harnessed and directed to the coop water trough and then out to the duck pond, the surrounding area will dry up some. Meanwhile, it's a bit of a sloppy mess to try to build things straight on.

Duckumentary, Part One, a tale about free eggs and Sh ( poop )

Nut Date…………June 24, 2011

Day one of our newest and quite possibly the craziest new venture we have ever embarked on. The order is placed, and tomorrow we're off to the lumber store to start construction. Hoping to use up of the leftovers from the still unfinished deck to complete this project, we have a plan and a location decided on. The parcel arrives on July 6th, not the best timing in the world with Pitfest ( 30+ people with dogs and kids welcome ) being on July 9th this year, but that was our last chance for delivery this year. We're expecting 5 chicks of a
"layer variety" ( that means we have no idea what we are getting ) and 8 Rouen ducklings.............the domestic version of a Mallard, and flightless, like and Emu.

Chickens lay eggs, and poop. Ducks eat bugs of all kinds and poop. So the idea is to have free fresh organic eggs, fertilizer and bug control. Not to mention that the ducks are going to give the dogs some entertainment that they may not be expecting.


So, many hours spent on the internet to find answers to many questions. We've got some of it figured out but there's alot of confusing info out there. The jury seems to be out on whether you can raise chicks and ducks together, but hey, we've already got 2 dogs, a cat and fish, so why not add a few birds, just to mix things up a bit. In the end, and true to form, we will be breaking alot of the rules and muddling through this on a wing (pardon the pun) and a prayer. We figure by this time next year we will have it figured out as to how it should have been done.

So first clue as to how green we are at this,

..........this morning I go to get 2 of the farm fresh eggs that I've bought at a farm I visited, just to get a handle on what's involved and whether it's worth the effort. The woman there was very helpful and friendly, gave me some great tips, but her English was not the best yet and I'm sure if I'd brought a Polish or Ukranian friend, I would have gotten alot more out of the visit. But never the less, the hen house was much quieter than I expected and the smell was not nearly what I was dreading. $3.00 a dozen and the eggs are amazing. Did have an issue trying to crack the first one, seems these farm eggs need a bit more muscle to get into.

............anyways, back to the morning breakfast adventure.

I go out to the fridge ( we are keeping this dozen in the garage fridge because I already have a full tray in the kitchen fridge ) and I open up the carton, and there are 4 perfectly shaped, cracked and empty eggs in there. They were in the door of the fridge, so it's possible that it fell out and we broke them, but where's the mess ??? These things are totally clean, I can't figure it out. So I cook up 2 and eat them while surfing for ....."can chickens lay empty eggs" and no surprise, some people say they have had that happen and others say it's impossible. But everyone who says it can happen has found them in the chicken coop, not the refrigerator. So part of me wants to join the forum and say...."hey, yes it is possible, I just found 4 of them in the egg carton that way", part of me wants to go back to Polish lady and say " hey, you sold me 4 duds" and part of me is saying oh never mind, just forget about it. Luckily that last part was speaking loudest to me. When I got home from ordering the chicks, I mentioned this "strange phenomenon" to Bob the Builder. He looks at me like I'm an idiot and tells me that he put them there because..............HE COULDN'T FIND THE KITCHEN COMPOST BUCKET !!!!!

I mean really, I almost crabbed out the nice Polish lady, I almost went on the net and said it really does happen, I wasted an half an hour looking this up!!! Who the hell puts empty egg shells back in the carton looking like a full egg???? is it not natural to put the two empty halves inside themselves???.............removing all doubt that the chicken may have laid them with nothing inside???? all this because I left the compost bucket in the garage to air out!!! Oh, I so hope the chickens make more sense than the man..LOL

Timing is everything

So the plan for the spring of 2011 includes installing a tracking solar system that will be connected to the grid in hopes of getting an income, the reconstruction of the deck to make that more user friendly, and because both of these projects will result in the massive devastation that just is heavy equipment to any of the landscape that we haven't already managed to destroy in anticipation of this , I guess we will have to redo the grounds as well..........including, of course, a new and improved vegetable garden.

So in the middle of all this deconstruct and reconstruct, with all the sand, dust, ruts and mud that accompany that, all of which is being lovingly brought indoors by 2 big dogs and a cat, here's me trying to save, identify and relocate any plants worth keeping, and it's springtime, so of course I'm buying more still. So I now have a house that needs sweeping at least 3 times a day, numerous plants in waiting, in various locations throughout the property that need water , a veg garden that needs planting, a truck load of lumber that needs to be stained, a retaining wall to be built and a railing that I need to build too.......all of this with a deadline of July 9th weekend, our annual weekend long Pitfest camp over party which this year is doubling as Bob the Builders Birthday Bash..........so planning for that needs to occupy some of my grey matter as well.

Maybe it was the heat..........or sheer exhaustion.........or possibly one well deserved beer more than required..........but somehow, in the midst of all this we decided........

THAT WE NEED TO GET CHICKENS!!!????

....and let's get some ducks too ( in hindsight, I can say that this was probably the beer talking )

Anyways, long before the idea of this blog ever existed, I started to keep a journal about this new adventure in livestock, and remember.....I have No experience with this chicken thing AT ALL!!

So I'm going to post the journal entries with dates, which of course will not match up with the posting dates of this blog.............you're just going to have to deal with that because the other thing that I never got around to doing was taking the Blogging 101 course.

Move in Day

Passing the Torch

So with the move to my This My Parents Old House looming in my future, I manage to hold the folks off for 4 years before their actually move, on April 1 no less…………..ya what a joke that was.

With my 2 kids, "#1 son" and his brother "#1 just a little later", gone and out of the house, and another new one just moved in, the school bus is still an issue, but here we go anyway.

So who’s coming along

Well me, the official Wingnut for giving in to this

Bob the Builder, who 4 years later I still want him to make another move with me

His daughter, my stepchild, so the pet name is Evil, and it is reversible back to the step-mother………..which would make me the Evil Wingnut…………very flattering!?

His cat, which, hey, it’s a cat, so Cat fits.

My big old 110lb black, scare the crap out of silly people that can’t see past his bark to his tail waggin’, dog, affectionately known as Ol Fart

And ALL the fish, the entire cast of Finding Nemo in one tank, and Oscar and the gang in the other not so salty tank.

Once we are here, our first big decision,……….. we need another dog. This property just needs another dog. So we get Little Girl, aka Bat Girl

Now you do know that all of us have real, more flattering names, except the fish. We really do have a Nemo and Dory etc, and Oscar is an Oscar and just like most of them is named Oscar, and I’m pretty sure the fish don’t give a hoot if I write about them on the internet, but for privacy reasons, the rest of us are going with the much more suitable ( but should never be placed on an official document ) names, that I have listed above.

So that ‘s the cast of characters that comes along for the ride.

3 years later, we added

Lucy
Elvira
Joan
Mitzi
Bambi
And 3 as yet un-named chickens ( I’m working on that and might need your help )

Along with the ducks…

Raid
Off
Vapona
Muskol
Deet
Repel
Slugger
Guano
and our little surprise …. Citronella

and this is when things start to go really wacky.
　

　

So how did this all start……

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My Onkel, aka Father Goose, circa  1970

Years ago, my Onkel, at the ripe ol’ age of twenty something, found this 100 acre property, got his heart set on it and off he went to the lumber camps, saved his pennies and returned to buy it. Being a bachelor at the time, he built a small cabin and proceeded to aquire his flocks and herds and eventually a family. It was a place that as children we loved to visit, especially at Easter because the egg hunt covered a ridiculous amout of property. I have some very vague memories of him hatching eggs in his oven at the start and I seriously remember the day that we were to have a family outing to his homestead to help process the ducks, .............the thing I remember most about this was pulling out every procrastination skill that I had, just so that we would be able to arrive after the actual killing was done. And much later, as a teenager, with a summer job that required me to cross his field every afternoon to return home, I distinctly remember his crazed horse Rhubarb would catch sight of me at the far end of the field ( I always had to figure out where that stupid critter was and plan my approach accordingly ) and then he'd start all the cows into a stampede headed straight for me..........me that was running madly to reach the far side and very ungraciously launch myself into the bush in true WingNut fashion. It's no wonder that I always excelled at the 100 yard dash, or maybe excelling at it is why I am still here to talk about it.


But the reality now is that this is the total extent of my experience with anything farmlike or livestockish.


A small corner of the acreage was severed off for my parents when I was 16, and the building of This My Parents Old House began………….and like any true teenager…………I was soooo NOT paying attention to how beautiful this property is or anything else except for the fact that by the time we were moving in, I was 18 and there was NO PHONE. A year later I was off to colllege and I never lived in the house again.

So 6 years ago, my parents were straddling the 80yr old mark in their lives and they announced that they wanted to "talk"……………..you know this is going to have an impact of some sort, you just don’t know what.

We had just months earlier moved to a new house and were literally going through boxes in the garage to find the dishes to pull off this dinner and "talk". I was bracing myself for health issues.

I so did not see it coming when my, "I love my land, and healthy as an ox", Dad said that they had come to a point in their lives where they want to move to town…………...and they want the property to stay in the "family".

Frig!!!, I’m an only child, "family" would be me !! There are no brothers or sisters sitting at this table that I could turn to and say "you do it" There were so many thoughts going through my head at that minute, they all came together, crashed, exploded, rolled down my spine and regrouped in the pit of my stomach to make me feel physically ill…………..and we hadn’t even started to eat yet.
　

I mean, really, who in their right mind would want to live way out there, in a house that is reminiscent of an episode of The 70’s Show, with 2 teenagers in high school, 45 minutes away by car, 2 hours by bus. I mean really, who would want to do that,

I lied…………..and said, yes, I would.

And I’ve never looked back.

This is not the learning channel..........

If you’re tuning in here thinking that this is the learning channel then you’ve taken a big left turn and need to correct your course. This is more like the what not to learn channel, or learning at the school of Hard Knocks. It’s a blog about the learning curve towards the goal of being self-sufficient, the gardens that feed us and the crazy ride that we started when we added birds.......the many mistakes made, lessons learned and the chuckles along the way.

The curve, BTW, is not really a curve, it’s more like a Muskoka road, leading to the cottage. It has twists and turns, hills and bumps and the occasional dip in the road that askes your stomach whether or not you still want to hang on or just bail.

But just like that Muskoka road…………….the destination is awesome,

Are you ready to come along for the ride. ???