SNAFU@WingnutAcres

Veggies in the bathtub...........
Chickens in the dresser.......

and the new Chicken Spa, formerly known as my flower bed, up and running.

yup............Situation Normal @ WingnutAcres

Not Again

Another overly warm day for March, in this, the year of no real winter at all, and it seems the birds, after a relatively bug free winter diet, are totally focused in their search for more and more of the constantly emerging tasty little morsels. So unknown to us, they wander off down to the field, heads down and happily pecking away, no doubt following the pond run off that not only leads straight through the field, but is chock a block full of bird goodies as well.

the goody loaded trench that leads birds from the safety of trees to the dreaded field

.........and then it happened.....another hawk attack, witnessed this time, so NO, we are NOT crazy, that is what’s picking off our birds.

I'm inside when my phone rings, Bob the Builder on the other end, calling from the field and telling ( yelling ) for me to get down there quick because he needs help.......this is from a guy who notoriously does NOT ask for help, even when he should, so I'm picturing the worst.  

In a matter of seconds this blissful bug picking adventure has turned into a chaos zone. One of the as yet un-named chickens is injured, missing a load of feathers and hiding under a tree, either Joan or Elvira was last seen running for all her worth to the cover of the spruces with a hawk on her tail, Ruckus the Rooster and the other two girls are nowhere to be found. Bob's gotten a shot off and the hawk was diverted and flown off, but the chicken may or may not know that.

And the 3 remaining ducks have FINALLY found the river......we have been hoping that they would find the river someday and make that their new home, saving us the whole Duckponics issue, so I quickly abandoned the idea of getting them back, seems we finally had them just where we wanted them and they were joyfully discovering all kinds of goodies in the tall grass on the banks. So I was happy thinking there's some good in everything.

Injured chicken then proceeds to give me a really good run for for my money, through what little ( wet, heavy, slushy ) snow that remains amidst all the mud, trying to keep her from frantically running straight into the river, because I'm pretty sure that even though that river may be a ducks dream, it's got to be chicken hell, and I had NO intention of jumping in to get her even if I could catch her in that current. If it came to that, I would probably have better luck running all the way back up the hill from hell, getting in the car and scooping her out at the first bridge down the road with the fish net that I was really wishing I had brought down here right now. So I just kept running.........and so did she, in no particular direction, but all of them taking her closer to the river. In the end, she was captured, without the help of the fish net. So there I was, soaked and muddy from the knees down, sweating from the waist up, trying to get control of a flapping, hysterical chicken that was making enough noise to call in every predator in the township at that point. I finally calmed her down and I think the two of us just sat there wondering which one of us was going to have the heart attack first. 

So we now have one chicken headed for the coop to hopefully recover, Elvira is MIA, Ruckus and the 2 other girls were found hiding in the garage and 3 ducks finally in the river.

3 hours later...........injured hen is getting severely picked on by the others, so they are all locked out for the night, injured has the coop, the rest of them have the run, good thing it’s warm out, but who knows where tomorrows eggs are going to be. MIA chicken managed to sneak back home without anyone noticing, and she seems just fine. All is calm again, just hoping that injured chicken makes it through the night.

AND THEN THE DUCKS CAME HOME.........................I really think that sometimes they just pretend to be stupid.

Stompin Tom Chicken.

I so did not expect this,

I’m working in the garden one day, and Lucy, Joan and Elvira are on my heels "helping" and I take a sudden step sideways. Instead of doing the normal squawking scared chicken jog down the driveway as usual, Elvira hunkers down and starts stomping her feet. I thought it was kinda comical , apologized for scaring her and went about what it was I was doing. As the days go by, this stomping thing happens again and again, and now Lucy is doing it too.

So, keep in mind that I have, as yet, never been able to catch these chickens without a net, but this one time Elvira is hunkered down and stompin, right in front of me, so I figure what the heck, and I bend down and scoop her up. A few days later Lucy runs up to me and starts stompin, so I bend down and give her a petting and then a little scratch on the back, and she’s just lovin this…………..her wings go out, her tail goes up, her feathers all fluff up……………..it’s cute, and comical, and I go on about my business.

So just a few days after this, on Dec 5^th, we get 3 eggs. Amazing, right on cue, Internet says, 20 weeks till they lay an egg, they were born on July 5^th, all 3 of them lay an egg on Dec 5^th,

So by these calculations, we’re expecting the three as yet un-named teenagers to lay their first egg on Jan 17^th.

Long before Jan 17^th, one of the teenagers does the stompin thing to Bob the builder, and he mentions that he figures she’s getting ready to lay eggs, as in hindsight, we are starting to make the connection. Next morning, Holy Cow, 4 eggs, one teenager stompin in front of me and letting me touch her. By the end of the week, we are getting 5 eggs a day.

So we have one hen that is not laying yet, and with this years unseasonal weather, we have 6 hens that want to stay out and party all night. 5 of them let me pick them up and put them away, and one makes me run through the dark and muddy hills trying to catch her till I finally corner her in the garage and win the battle.

So just guessing here, but my money is on her being the one that is not laying an egg every day, because according to the Internet, she’s the only one that doesn’t think that

....................I’M THE ROOSTER !!??

　

　
　

　　

　

Soooo the wrong footwear

OK. so, tested and proved ( like there was ever any doubt )

CROCS are SO NOT the right footwear for winter, no matter how short the trip is supposed to be, cuz once you set out there in them……….it’s going to be an uncomfortable and much longer trip than you expected.

Never mind the obvious………. holes on top that scoop snow down into your toes, the same holes that scoop top soil into the same place all summer, but between them, and the "who decided to put the chicken coop down hill" factor……………yup, slide ride it was, missed the duck pond, landed safely at the bottom, sporting a muddy butt and snowy toes.

So this was supposed to be just a quick trip to let the chickens out, but now I’m at the bottom of the hill, wearing pretty much a pair of highly ventilated jelly beans on my feet and I still have to get back up……….apparently, among other things, to dig out my ever so fashionable (NOT) heavy duty grippy soled winter boots from summer storage.

So when I do get back up there, I start to wonder ……….why do I own these things.

I mean really, they are not at all attractive, the grippy soled snow boots put them to shame in that department. Summer or winter, something is falling through those holes to wedge or melt between your toes. They come in the most ridiculous colors, mine are purple……mauve if you want to get all fashionista about it…and if that’s the case, your whole fashion sense needs to be evaluated.............. by a therapist.

If you do wear them for a full weekend, they give you the silliest sandal tan…….a week of polka dot feet. The same holes that did that, I know what they are supposed to do, but they don’t, your feet still sweat like a pig………well not in the snow I guess, but freezing is just as uncomfortable, if not more.

So why do I own them???

Well they are pretty much go anywhere, don’t need to stop for a footwear change, into the river, out of the river, across the field, into the garden, go scoop manure,  indestructible, and if you do destruct them, who cares, kind of shoes. They also work well in the kitchen as a built in stress mat.

Other than that…….they suck, but I’m keeping then anyways.

A comedian once said about them "there are people all over the world wearing fanny packs that are laughing at you"

I think of that every time I put them on, and make damn sure I take them off before I leave the property.

　

　

Me and My Tractor

Nut Date…………………………………………………………October 23, 2011

So, every country girl needs a tractor ………right??

OK, first off, before we go any further, MY tractor, well, it’s a lawn tractor, with a mowing deck, …. .’nuff said.

But, it’s shiny black, gets me where I need to go, and keeps me from having to hike the "hill from hell", aka … the buns of steel work-out, booty boot camp, holy heart attack, the stairs didn’t friggin help, etc.

My Tractor comes with nifty rabbit and turtle settings, has a "safety" butt weight shut-off feature ( that thankfully someone found a way around )

And best yet, it has a handy trailer attachment to carry everything I need.

It gets me where I want to go, unless of course, there’s a lump in the way that hooks up the mower deck, or a slight, non - gravel incline, that turns it into a spin factory, or God forbid, I need to back it up with the trailer attached.

Now backing up this trailer is beyond ridiculous. With such a short length, it doesn’t matter which way you turn, it goes left, unless of course you want it to go left, then it goes right, but most times, it just fully jack-knifes and it’s back side ends up right beside your knee cap. Which, at this point it’s not an issue, unless of course, you happen to be next to a tree. Better still, next to a tree on a hill.

At this point there are 2 choices.

1. play the "I need Help" card….or
2. I deal with it.

Either way………I’m screwed.

1. I get to watch someone do a 757 point turn and effortlessly get out of this situation with a trailer that now magically turns right on command.
2. I get to lay in the dirt and unhitch the trailer.

Now for all you men out there reading this thinking " why doesn’t she just lift the back end of the trailer and move it……………well, for the purposes of this example of said stupid trailer, we are assuming that I have already filled it beyond my lifting capacity, otherwise, I would for sure pick the damn thing up and throw it to wherever I thought it belonged at that given point in time.

So ya’ll are thinkin’ ………..go for #2, … right.!!??!!

Now let me explain to you this trailer hitch.

This is not the regular "put the cup on the ball, hope it’s the right size, if it isn’t, it’s interchangeable, no big deal, flip the lock, put in the pin, add 2 safety chains and away ya go" kinda hitch.

Ohhhhh Nooooo ,

This is the "who in their right friggin’ mind came up with this" kinda hitch.

First you have, somewhere, just inches south of the back axle, a piece of metal with a hole in it. The hole is, oh, just guessing, about ½ inch diameter. Unless you lay down in the dirt, gravel, manure or whatever the situation you’ve gotten yourself into, you cannot see this prize piece of metal because of a series of weights on the back of the trailer. Now I have never asked what these weights are for, I’m just assuming that they are necessary, because they are not at all attractive and seriously in the way of viewing the sought after hole. If I ever find out that they are just decorative, then somebody, maybe even me, needs to be smacked.

So, now that you can’t see the hole you’re aiming for on the tractor, you have the hitch on the trailer……….a U shaped metal thing, with the matching ½ inch holes, about 2 ½ inches apart.

And you have a pin, just a hair shy of ½’ diameter, with a tiny hole in the end of it.

The idea is to thread the pin through the three holes, from the bottom up and secure it with yet another smaller pin.

Now, apparently, this HAS to be done from the bottom up. Regardless of the fact that gravity being what it is, and that vision doesn’t even come into play here, and that the top of the U shape will naturally rest on the metal piece of the trailer end, and you could use your finger to line those 2 holes and drop the pin down, and chances are, it will find the third hole, thus leaving one hand free, maybe even 2,.. ( go stretch, pick the manure out of your ear, whatever.)

But no, this has to be done from the bottom up. So when you do get venus to align with mars, and get the big pin through all 3 holes, you now need one hand to hold it there. Now if you didn’t already have manure in your ear, you will now, because the only way to see that little wee hole in the end of the pin that is now way up there somewhere between the back axle and those pretty weights, is to put your head down there between those wheels.

And why can we not go from the top down???

Because, the last piece of this puzzle, the man size squiggly version of a bastardized safety pin that now has to go through that last little hole is

…."Too difficult to remove from the bottom".!!!

So now who’s with me on picking option #1???

………Thought so.

But don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about my tractor, that’s my choice, because the alternative is the 4 wheeler that tried to kill me.
　

time to go home....................just this tiny little hill to get up

me trying to back this thing up, you can see where I'm headed and just how well I'm doing with that......and it's now getting dark.

Done!!!....well, OK, maybe that's not exactly what I said when I decided to use this approach, but, hey, they don't put doors in both ends of these things for nothing you know.

Damn Hawk

Nut Date..........October 14, 2011

So I guess the plan was to write in here every day..............seems I didn't do that.

The reality is that I was busy taking pictures of these little goofs, and also that we had a rude awakening to the realities of life, which kind of put me off for a bit.

We learnt the hard way that just because little chickens love being outside, and we were anxious to start the whole "free range" thing, brutal truth of the matter,.......little chickens shouldn't be outside. Our two blonde chicks got taken by a hawk, vulture, whatever. We didn't see it happen but Rob heard it. Something got them from above, two at the same time. We found one, wet, so we did suspect our Little Miss Wannabe Mother, but then we figured out that there was no way she could catch 2 at the same time, and that she probably found the one before we did and was licking her. Good try on her part but it didn't help, the blonde ckicks were gone.

Consequently, all the other birds have, ever since, decided to not come out in the open too much..................unless of course there's a ripe tomatoe in my ( NOT YET FENCED ) garden, then they don't seem to care, and waddle off for lunch they go, to hell with the threat from above.

Which brings me to the real reality of the whole "let's get some ducks" idea..............

What were we thinking, how wrong could the internet info be...............
Lots wrong, that's how much.

Timing is everything

So the plan for the spring of 2011 includes installing a tracking solar system that will be connected to the grid in hopes of getting an income, the reconstruction of the deck to make that more user friendly, and because both of these projects will result in the massive devastation that just is heavy equipment to any of the landscape that we haven't already managed to destroy in anticipation of this , I guess we will have to redo the grounds as well..........including, of course, a new and improved vegetable garden.

So in the middle of all this deconstruct and reconstruct, with all the sand, dust, ruts and mud that accompany that, all of which is being lovingly brought indoors by 2 big dogs and a cat, here's me trying to save, identify and relocate any plants worth keeping, and it's springtime, so of course I'm buying more still. So I now have a house that needs sweeping at least 3 times a day, numerous plants in waiting, in various locations throughout the property that need water , a veg garden that needs planting, a truck load of lumber that needs to be stained, a retaining wall to be built and a railing that I need to build too.......all of this with a deadline of July 9th weekend, our annual weekend long Pitfest camp over party which this year is doubling as Bob the Builders Birthday Bash..........so planning for that needs to occupy some of my grey matter as well.

Maybe it was the heat..........or sheer exhaustion.........or possibly one well deserved beer more than required..........but somehow, in the midst of all this we decided........

THAT WE NEED TO GET CHICKENS!!!????

....and let's get some ducks too ( in hindsight, I can say that this was probably the beer talking )

Anyways, long before the idea of this blog ever existed, I started to keep a journal about this new adventure in livestock, and remember.....I have No experience with this chicken thing AT ALL!!

So I'm going to post the journal entries with dates, which of course will not match up with the posting dates of this blog.............you're just going to have to deal with that because the other thing that I never got around to doing was taking the Blogging 101 course.

This is not the learning channel..........

If you’re tuning in here thinking that this is the learning channel then you’ve taken a big left turn and need to correct your course. This is more like the what not to learn channel, or learning at the school of Hard Knocks. It’s a blog about the learning curve towards the goal of being self-sufficient, the gardens that feed us and the crazy ride that we started when we added birds.......the many mistakes made, lessons learned and the chuckles along the way.

The curve, BTW, is not really a curve, it’s more like a Muskoka road, leading to the cottage. It has twists and turns, hills and bumps and the occasional dip in the road that askes your stomach whether or not you still want to hang on or just bail.

But just like that Muskoka road…………….the destination is awesome,

Are you ready to come along for the ride. ???